Originally published on April 7, 2022.
Just last week I published a post on toxic leadership, a variety of its forms and some personal experiences of that reality. The response to that blog was overwhelming. Thousands of views and many comments - mostly of commiseration! At the end of that post the question of not just simply identifying a toxic leader but effectively working or managing in such an environment was left open. The article that I drew from at the time seemed to imply that the only effective strategy in dealing with a toxic boss was to simply cope with that reality. A less polished way to put it would be "suck it up buttercup."
So I put it to you - the reader of this blog - to ponder alternatives to managing a toxic leader and surviving the personal angst and chaos that ensues. Unfortunately, even with time and discussion and feedback what came back to me were two relatively harsh alternatives. The first commonly stated alternative was in fact to merely accept this as an inevitable consequence of a working life. In this harsh assessment it is clear that those who shared their thoughts (or despair) with me were not alone. Gallup research seems to consistently bear out a common theme of poor leadership and lack of engagement of staff in literally all industries. Common terminology used to describe such poor leaders includes - self-absorbed, unaware, stubborn, overly demanding, and impulsive.
The second most common response I received back was that the (best/only) way to manage a toxic leader was to accept defeat and move on to another role in another part of the organization or to leave altogether. The challenge with that alternative goes directly back to the Gallup research just noted above. Most industries, sectors, and companies all seem to suffer from poor leaders. So you might just be moving from the frying pan to the fire in your attempt to escape a bad situation.
I did get some other insights from my readers and I've expanded upon those kernels below. Perhaps these are more practical then simply resorting to the alternatives of self-suppression and flight noted above. The first solid piece of advice to provide is to clearly understand yourself. While that may seem like an odd place to start when trying to think about dealing with a bad boss it's crucial in making sure you know what's important to you and what your boundaries are. What this understanding of self positions you to do is more effectively pick your battles. You can then better evaluate whether a "compromise" is morally and ethically defeating versus simply being annoying and inconvenient. Essentially you can determine which one of the options for coping - management or flight is the best option.
It was also clear from the responses I received that while I might have focused on the more malicious type of leader in my first post, a number of you are dealing with a different varieties of poor leaders. Hence you have some specific "solutions" to provide in that context. The broader array of poor leadership included the micro-manager (short on vision, long on telling you how to do "everything"), the grand visionary (long on vision, unable to comprehend or frustrated by the work required to achieve the vision), the "analyst" and risk manager (every contingency and piece of data mapped out), the self-centred leader (it is all about me) and finally the truly incompetent leader.
While these are all very different types of scenarios and leaders there are some common techniques and strategies by which you can perhaps more effectively manage - and perhaps even succeed - in these environments:
Be prepared. Unfortunately you are going to have to put in more time into this "relationship" than your boss will. Regardless of what type of bad boss you have none of them have as much at stake as you do. Understand yourself and your boundaries, prepare in advance for each meeting, and map a plan/objectives for each meeting or initiative. As a leader yourself you can manage the relationship. In some ways it's important to think of your boss as your most important customer.
Don't assume. As a corollary to "Be Prepared" don't make the mistake of assuming anything about what your boss will want, knows, expects or will do. In any of these scenarios you don't have the luxury of not planning for or anticipating a variety of circumstances. Plan for the worst, hope for the best.
Don't try to be right. This is a hard one to swallow but in the "battle" you're in you are going to have to decided whether you want to be right or get the right thing done. They are not necessarily the same thing. Be clear about your ultimate goal for the particular project or initiative and be prepared to alter tactics to ensure success. In addition, be clear and solid on your big picture career goals. Be prepared to alter your tactics to keep moving forward in your career despite the short-term reality of a toxic boss.
Understand your boss. I found with one of my worst bosses that I really had to make an effort to get into his head. I certainly would never lead the way he did, but I did try to anticipate what might set him off (e.g., one too many chairs for the Board meeting!) and resigned myself to many agonizing minutes of silence as he "visioned" the next big thing. This meant being disciplined in my work habits and approach. I also tried to emulate his language. Explaining things my way was not as successful as explaining things his way.
Support your boss. Several of my readers reflected on a boss who has clearly been promoted too quickly, had an awesome interview that belied a lack of substance, or was the best of a bunch of poor candidates. Now what? For most of us, if we are committed to our organization, our staff or our customers, it means we do our level best to deliver great service regardless or in spite of the leadership handicap we labor under. Our satisfaction comes from succeeding despite that handicap.
Engage a team. Most times, despite the strength and validity of your arguments, the strength of your position, or even your own personal credibility and history as a leader you won't be in a position to effectively counter a poor leader one-on-one. You may need to engage like-minded allies. I'm not suggesting fostering a mutiny. That's a dangerous road. Rather, you need more than one voice offering alternatives, respectfully questioning direction or decisions, and otherwise offering other solutions. If you become the lone voice within you could soon be the lost voice without.
Network and Remain Connected - one of the worst things that I have observed in dealing with a toxic leader - particularly one that we would consider abusive - is the tendency to blame self and self-isolate. We start to believe the narrative being created around us and about us. We begin to lose confidence in self and trust in others. This becomes a spiraling downward cycle. A request I often make of others - having been in this position myself - is to foster relationships inside and outside of work, find a place of support, and find a place of safety that just even allows you to vent and brainstorm with others. Engage others to ensure you are realistically and objectively evaluating your state of affairs.
One final and far more risky tactic that one can take when dealing with a toxic leader takes a page from the Me Too movement - exposure and truth telling. As I know you can well imagine, this is a far more intimidating prospect than just coping or leaving. In some cases, it can feel like a scorched earth policy and akin to burning all bridges behind you. In many cases, it also may feel like you are similarly burning all bridges in front of you as well. If the toxic leader in question has been able to deliver results in some form, has a charismatic personality or is well-liked/connected within and outside of the organization how will your grand reveal be perceived by those in positions of power? If change happens will it simply be in the form of your departure/martyrdom?
This final option is not an easy choice. Many of us would far prefer to take what seem to be easier roads. There are no guarantees of success or survival in this path. That being said, we have seen examples of change in other circumstances with powerful personalities brought down for their historic transgressions. Successful or not, this path is often long and bruising. Gird for battle, wounds and a process of recovery.
It often takes more energy and effort to lead up than it takes to lead a team of subordinates. Your team has less choice about whether to follow you. This is also true of a CEO who is trying to work with a Board of Directors, a Board Chair or a group of shareholders. Leadership is not just about working with those who recognize your authority because you are one or more levels up the ladder from them. Leadership is also about how you can manage others above you.
Success in managing a poor leader takes a lot more strength, discipline and emotional maturity than feels reasonable but it can be a harsh reality. I certainly can't say that I've always passed my own personal tests but then continuous learning and growth should always be part of what being an effective leader is all about.
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Greg Hadubiak, MHSA, FACHE, CEC, PCC
President & Founder - BreakPoint Solutions
gregh@breakpoint.solutions
www.breakpoint.solutions
780-250-2543